525 Giving Our Kids Less Part 1
“And this is where my parents used to hide our toys,” Clothgirl, now a freshman in college, said to her friend while touring the house she lived in her first 8 years of life. “Ya, every month my parents would swap our toys with the hidden ones. We got all excited because each time we thought we were actually getting new toys.”
“Wow, that’s pretty weird,” Clothgirl’s friend replied, “I used to have my own toy room.”
Clothgirl’s friend is correct, we were weird. We thought fewer toys would facilitate more creative development – not to mention less clean up and clutter in their rooms. And when we saw most toys didn’t get played with after a few weeks we started the now infamous toy rotation which allowed old, discarded toys to become new and exciting again every couple of months.
Wealth, health and happiness are all fleeting and fickle. Too often we live our lives trying to never loose that which we can never keep. Sooner or later everyone will be stripped of all three. Our desire was to prepare our children for this reality of life, not protect them from it.
Though we weren’t always thrilled about it at the time, the way Clothwoman and I learned this lesson was by growing up in impoverished homes. Never having much eliminated any fear of living without much. That’s what made us decide to raise our kids in much the same way.
Thus, we purposefully limited the number of toys Clothgirl and Clothboy had and then rotated them. We never had video games or cable TV and restricted their viewing hours. We purchased used vehicles and had the kids help us do much of the maintenance on them. We downsized to a three bedroom apartment (though we do own it). Many times the kids gave up their room for a time to help someone have a place to stay. All four of us even used the same toothbrush (just kidding about that).
Till high school, their wardrobes were mostly hand-me-downs and Goodwill clothing. We didn’t eat out much and they helped us cook and clean up afterward. Together we raised a garden every year and canned tons of fruit and vegetables. Many luxury items like paintball guns, jewelry and movies they had to purchase with their own money. And now Clothgirl’s is paying for her college tuition and books with her own money.
Our desire wasn’t to make our kids miserable because we grew up miserable. It was to help them know that you can have less and still possess everything you really need. It’s not how much you have that matters, it’s who you are and how you live with what you have.
I love the way Paul said it: “But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard – things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people” (Galatians 5:22-23).
All parents want to raise their children to live like this; we had our weird way, you have yours. By giving Clothgirl and Clothboy less than we could we pray we gave them more than we could have otherwise. But ultimately, it’s only as they begin finding their own way on this third rock from the sun that we’ll find out if we were successful.
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